I am a doer. So when I look to determine God’s will in my life I look to what I can do to figure it out. It seemed so much easier in the old days. God would basically just announce it through a prophet like Nathan. I am entangled in sorting through the desires God has placed in my heart and the ones that are mine alone. David wanted to give the Lord a nice house like he had. I want to do ministry in Omaha. Sometimes we can be wrong. Sometimes we can be right. This is mostly because I believe in doing ministry where I am at and I love it here. I have seen God at work here and I want to be part of it. I rented a house with some friends after college determined to find something in the City I love. I am just blocks from where I got my double Bible degree. That may help motivate me every day.
In all of this I have failed to ask what God wanted. He may have wanted me to move back in with my parents and apply anywhere. Still, I cannot bear to apply for the out of town work that God might be calling me to do. He could also be calling me to keep working 40+ hours at Spaghetti Works until He is faithful to me staying in Omaha. Either way I am serving my calling eventually. So what I have are two paths before me. Was being in Omaha a desire God placed in my heart or a desire that comes from the comfort of knowing the people and places. The old 80’s song often plays in my head “Should I stay or should I go now” though the contexts of the single line running in my head is VERY taken out of context. I don’t want to work where I am for long. But I am afraid to look outside of Omaha. God is good, I trust that His ways. He will give me my answer eventually and He will not forsake bringing me to Grace.
The hardest part of not knowing where you are going is living in peace with that. I am not in ministry YET. Still, God is using me every day. I need to take pleasure in where I am. Rest and be thankful for the job and all I do have. Yes, I can’t be content with where I am. No, I can’t be unsatisfied. God is always enough no matter what. So I will press on and keep trying to figure it out. But I will fight to revel in each day and all of its new mercies.
On This Side. 